Venus and Mars Sitting In a Tree... K I S S I N G

What constitutes a good kiss? In terms of length, scruff, applied pressure etc. Is it very different for every girl?

Yes, it is different for every girl because every girl is different. There are a few thing that are constant, however.

1. Pay attention to how she responds to what you are doing. You should be able to tell if she REALLY doesn't like something.
2. Pay attention to how she is kissing you. If she is doing something with her lips or the amount of pressure she is applying, chances are she would like you to do the same.
3. Be open to suggestions. If you get into a relationship with someone, there is a possibility that they may like some things….and may NOT like some other things you do. Don’t take it as an insult, like we said before, every girl is different.
4. As a general rule, we don't like ending the evening with slober all over our faces... we're just throwing that out there.

Viewpoint from Mars

We posted a question box last week and were posed with a question that required a little help from our Martian friends.

Venus -- A guy was looking for a good sushi place, so I suggested one, and he asked to meet me there at a time I wasn't available. I suggested an alternate time, and haven't heard from him since. What did I do wrong?

These are the words of advice that were offered:

You did nothing wrong! More than likely, this guy is already spoken for. You haven’t heard from him because he either got caught by his significant other, or your suggestion of an alternate time ruined his plan and snapped him back into reality. Either way, it was for the best. Now go find a single guy that would change his schedule for you any time.

Here is our take on the situation...

Often guys will speak before thinking. If this is news to you... we would like to be invited to the alternate universe you have been living in. Take the above situation for example: Guy wants suggestion of good place to eat and asks a cute girl for her opinion. To thank girl for her opinion he suggested they both get some good sushi, since she is obviously partial to that particular establishment. Girl thinks he's asking her on a date, but she needs to reschedule. Guy realizes that it looks like he was asking for more than friendly company. Not knowing how to fix the situation, it seems easier not to respond to the alternate time than to explain he just was looking for sushi and a friend.

So guys, take a hint from Mr. Wrong and be sure your intentions are upfront and honest from the get go. There are plenty of girls who are up for just having fun if that's what you are looking for. We understand that miscommunication happens. Make use of that backbone and let us know if you are not interested in more than just good company.

If She's Not Talking...

This blog is not intended for cutting people down, but merely for stating that women are less complicated than we may sometimes seem. Let me share with you a recent experience I had while on a phone call with a man that was trying to date me... perhaps you can see the problem without me spelling it out, even though I'm going to anyway...

7:38pm Tuesday Feb 9, 2010

This 68 minute conversation began very slowly with small talk and then quickly escalated into a one-sided political rant. This man that had never met me, knew nothing about my family, life experience or political affiliation was making extremely bold statements. This was a conspiracy theorist at his finest, and let me tell you... it was quite the phone call. At one point, please excuse my openness, I muted the phone and went to the bathroom... I flushed, washed my hands and had a couple minute conversation with my cousin about the fact that this guy was crazy. He never even noticed that I had muted the phone and didn't care that I wasn't contributing to the conversation.

What is the moral of this story? If women are not talking when you are having a 'conversation', more than likely we have a reason. This is especially true if this is the first time that we have ever spoken and there is no emotional investment. Men, if you are talking about something that we don't really know anything about but we are interested in, we will ask questions and verbalize that we are curious. If you are talking about something that we just don't want to care about, we will not participate. When you are talking about something that we care about we will respond, then you say something, and we respond again. This is what is called a conversation. Communication is important and the first time that you ever talk should be a CONVERSATION! It should not be a 'let me tell you how I view the world and let me tell you why I'm right' monologue. If the two of you already have extremely different views on the 'big' issues there is really no reason in her mind to have a second conversation or rather a 'let me tell you what else I think of the world' monologue, part II.

What should you take from this? Well, it's important to lay some ground work. Maybe you could ask about her favorite movie and then ask what stood out to her and why. Or you could talk about something that you care about and then you could ask her what her thoughts on that particular issue. You could also do a little research and find out what she would like to discuss. It's probably best that you don't say it in exactly those words, but you will find that actually asking her to be involved in the conversation will help her feel like her input is wanted.

Chivalry Is Not Dead

We have gone through a few of the basics on what NOT to do... So we thought it would be appropriate to share with you some things that you SHOULD do.

For starters let's get something out in the open. Women want men to be men that let them be women. Let us explain...

When we get scared, we want you to be our hero and protect us from the monsters in the closet. This does not mean that you should bust out your booty shorts and sword of power and act like HE-MAN. However, checking the house when we hear weird noises will make us feel very safe... it might even win you some brownie points.

You are very strong and capable and when you do the heavy lifting it allows us to feel feminine and reminds us that we like all those manly things about you. We do not always expect you to carry our purse, but when you lift that case of water into the cart at the grocery store, or offer to carry our bags we appreciate it.

Sometimes we forget that we should let you open doors for us, but when you make the effort to get there first, we notice. This also goes for letting us into and out of the elevator first and when you help us up or down that one step.

We don't like bugs, rodents, insects of any kind, snakes or spiders. When they inevitably crawl into our space we will probably ask you to take care of them for us. Though you probably don't like them either, when you come to us victorious over such creepy crawlies it makes us smile and we remember how cute you are.

We do not expect you to always pump the gas, take out the garbage or warm up the car... but when you do, especially when it's cold outside, we remember that you care about us.

Lastly, we need closure once the relationship has run it's course. There is no sense dragging us along and making it harder on us and making your life more awkward. No one likes breaking up, but when you have made the decision to end it, don't prolong the inevitable. It's not mean, uncool or wrong in any way to end a relationship that isn't progressing... be man enough to tell us what you are thinking and we will have a lot of respect for the man that you are.

per⋅func⋅to⋅ry

lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic

Boy sees girl, boy finds girl attractive, boy asks girl out, boy expects girl to do all the contacting from then on. This is called apathy and women do not find it attractive.

Boy says "Hi, I would like to get together sometime, are you free tonight?". Girl is busy but willing to make future plans... boy only calls an hour or so before he wants to go out... this is called apathy and women do not find it attractive.

Women want to feel wanted. Not calling or letting us know that you are actually interested is not the way to win us over. We are not asking for roses every day or long hand written love notes. A simple message or a quick phone call to let us know that you are thinking about us goes a long way. We understand that you aren't ready to give up the man card yet... but we promise planning in advance will not make you any less of a man in our eyes.

Lastly, we like time to prepare for any outing, no matter how casual it may be. Calling us only 20 minutes before you are considering planning an outing makes us feel like we were a last minute choice, the one you went with after you had tried all your other options which didn’t pan out. Giving us at least 24 hours notice is something we find very attractive…

Physical Contact 101

A few quick tips about physical contact...

If a girl wants to hold your hand she will make it AVAILABLE TO YOU! She will not have her arms folded. She will not have her hands folded in her lap. She most likely will brush up against you like it's an accident.

If you are walking side by side and her purse is on the shoulder or arm that is closest to you... do NOT get closer. She is most likely shutting you down.

If she yawns... that is not an invitation to stick your finger in her mouth! That is both creepy and disgusting.

Hugging: Guys make yourself available... then let her come to you. It's not creepy if she initiates.

Kissing... you cannot attempt to get to second base if you haven't been invited to step up to the plate. Along those lines... if she dodges the first kiss, your best bet is to let her initiate the next one.

Let her be a part of the decision to kiss. Hitch had it right with the 90/10 scenario.

If upon meeting someone for the first time you feel an unsolicited urge to rub her shoulders... RESIST. This will cause you to be known as a creeper among her group of friends and will discourage her from dating you.

DO open the car door and offer your hand to help her out. Especially if she is wearing a dress and/or heels.

DO offer her your arm to cross the parking lot, sidewalk or stairs. This is particularly endearing if the weather is treacherous and the conditions you are walking in are less than perfect.

Online Dating... The Final Frontier

Online Dating... there are many words that can be used to describe it; sketchy, creepy, suspenseful, exciting, exhilarating and fun. There are also a few words that can describe some of the people you meet; Creeper, lame, boring, tool, charming, nice, funny and witty. Amongst these many adjectives are a few things that you would hopefully want people to use to describe you…and a few that hopefully DON’T describe you. How do you get people to use the ‘right’ words to describe you? Venus is here to help. Here are a few things that you can do to get on the ‘charming’ list and off the ‘creeper’ list if that is the way you sway.

First and foremost SPELL CHECK. It is an immediate red flag when you are not willing to take the time to proofread your profile for errors. While we are on the topic, proper grammar and punctuation are appreciated

Post a picture... Just like you don't like messaging people that don't have pictures, we don't enjoy replying to messages that do not have profile pictures. Are you hiding something?


Post a current picture. We know that even if you don't like to have your picture taken there is a picture somewhere taken of you after the year 1990.

While we are on the subject of pictures, let's chat about what pictures are appropriate... While we are also interested in the fish you caught and the 40 pictures of that car you are restoring, those are not the pictures we want to see on your profile. One picture of you with the car is appropriate, but that's it.

Lists of qualifications on your profile, ordered by importance and completely unachievable, are ridiculous. This is supposed to be our first impression of you and we can't tell if you are joking or actually expecting perfection.

We know it's hard to describe yourself, we have the same problem, but a little effort goes a long way. Empty profiles that require us to do all the leg work are not appealing. We don't want to take the time to message you if there isn't at least something intriguing in your profile.

If we are on a dating website chances are we are not looking for a random make out. That is what bars, clubs, and personal ads on craigslist are for...

We do not claim to have all the answers but this, in our humble opinion, will help you make the most out of your online dating experience.