If She's Not Talking...

This blog is not intended for cutting people down, but merely for stating that women are less complicated than we may sometimes seem. Let me share with you a recent experience I had while on a phone call with a man that was trying to date me... perhaps you can see the problem without me spelling it out, even though I'm going to anyway...

7:38pm Tuesday Feb 9, 2010

This 68 minute conversation began very slowly with small talk and then quickly escalated into a one-sided political rant. This man that had never met me, knew nothing about my family, life experience or political affiliation was making extremely bold statements. This was a conspiracy theorist at his finest, and let me tell you... it was quite the phone call. At one point, please excuse my openness, I muted the phone and went to the bathroom... I flushed, washed my hands and had a couple minute conversation with my cousin about the fact that this guy was crazy. He never even noticed that I had muted the phone and didn't care that I wasn't contributing to the conversation.

What is the moral of this story? If women are not talking when you are having a 'conversation', more than likely we have a reason. This is especially true if this is the first time that we have ever spoken and there is no emotional investment. Men, if you are talking about something that we don't really know anything about but we are interested in, we will ask questions and verbalize that we are curious. If you are talking about something that we just don't want to care about, we will not participate. When you are talking about something that we care about we will respond, then you say something, and we respond again. This is what is called a conversation. Communication is important and the first time that you ever talk should be a CONVERSATION! It should not be a 'let me tell you how I view the world and let me tell you why I'm right' monologue. If the two of you already have extremely different views on the 'big' issues there is really no reason in her mind to have a second conversation or rather a 'let me tell you what else I think of the world' monologue, part II.

What should you take from this? Well, it's important to lay some ground work. Maybe you could ask about her favorite movie and then ask what stood out to her and why. Or you could talk about something that you care about and then you could ask her what her thoughts on that particular issue. You could also do a little research and find out what she would like to discuss. It's probably best that you don't say it in exactly those words, but you will find that actually asking her to be involved in the conversation will help her feel like her input is wanted.